3650 days

 Dear Cassandra,

Ten years since I hugged & kissed you, laughed with you & still felt pure joy imagining your future. 

When you were here, I couldn't imagine one day without you , now I've had to live through 3,650 days and nights.

My memories of your lifetime fill me with overwhelming joy while dreams unanswered bring unending sadness. 

What holds me together & allows me to make new dreams and feel renewed joy is knowing your soul is still shining bright upon me.  I am always seeking ways to share stories of you with those that knew you, to shine your light with those that didn't. 

Ten years ago I lost you from my reach to hold you and feel you physically. For thirty four years I've been so blessed to be your mama & know your presence both physical and spiritually. As you have reminded me, nothing can seperate us. I will always be your momma and you will always be my Sunshine.

Thank you for sending me signs that you're watching over me.  I am always keeping your light shining , making sure you're remembered & loving you every single day ,in every way possible. ❤️ 

As the song says that you sent me over car stereo:   keep fighting the good fight,  keep letting your light shine, I am here with you on the other side. 

Thank you Sunshine for really being with me from the other side.  

Love you bunches & bunches through eternity,

Momma 

Spiritual Transcendence of our relationship

Sunshine,

As time moves forward and it is now sixteen months since your murder.  Your never being here physically has reached my full awareness.   I was in shock for months, yet at same time ,in midst of a spiritual journey of connecting with you as much as possible on the spiritual level.  Then you warned me after a year that you would not be with me as much, though always within reach when I needed you.  I thought I was ok with that message from you but it really felt like another stage of loss these past four months.

 I had slipped into some deeper depression but I am ready to move forward , as I know you want me to and focus back on developing our full spiritual relationship.  I need to hold on to my affirmation of, I will always be your Momma and you my Sunshine.  I understand you do not need to be right beside me 24/7 as in the spirit world there is no time and space....Just as God , Jesus, and all our spirit guides and Angels are near, it is not a space or time issue.  You are with me in Soul all the time.

You have taught me so much from Heaven and how our souls are eternal.  I know our souls were connected before this physical life and will be eternally.  I just miss you every single day and that will never go away.

 I love you to my core and I praise God that you have connected with me to allow me the comfort of knowing that although I do miss you physically that we are eternally connected by our souls.

Eternally Soul family
Love you bunches and bunches!!!!
Momma

The Letter to Cassandra

This is a letter that my Grief and loss counselor had me write to Cassandra on my final week: ( 8 weeks total as I did not go till after Holidays came) Keep in mind I had a format that she wanted me to stick to so it is not a freehand letter though I did go off a bit. LOL


Dear Sunshine,

Our relationship has been going through a very difficult, heart breaking transformation that neither you or I saw coming ten months ago.   I want you to know that I am sorry that I could not forsee this tragedy and take precautions ahead of time!!!  I am sorry that I wasn't there to take that bullet myself!!! Your life was robbed from you so suddenly and I am sorry for all your earthly dreams that at 24 years of age now will not be fulfilled.

A part of the healing of this letter is to forgive you ( that thought in it's self held me back from writing this letter for two weeks!) After much thought:   I forgive you for being so good at being organized and efficient, arriving to work on time yet causing you to be at the wrong place at the wrong time!

 I'm proud of you Sunshine,for every detail of who you were here on earth physically and how you remain my sunshine spiritually.  During these past ten month's transformations, since that tragic night April 17,2015 , I have felt your soul every single day.  Your guiding thoughts help me to make decisions. You continue to teach me new things from your spiritual side of life and most of all you have given me resilience knowing you and I will always be connected by our souls.

Thank you Sunshine for the wonderful gifts that you've given me through your life shared here on earth with me.  You gave me the gift of learning boundaries , standing up for myself, that it is ok to not be happy all the time and to have balance, The gift of taking time for self introspect, to not allow fear to take me over and the gift of showing me beyond doubt that although you are gone physically your remain spiritually always!!!

Although I know that the pain will always be here and I will miss you always, I must now say goodbye to the pain of missing you physically so much so that it blocks our full spiritual Transcendence of our soul's relationship to be all it is meant to be.

Love you bunches and bunches through eternity Sunshine,
 Your Momma Always!

In Honor of Cassandra Cassidy please join LVMPD "LIGHT THE NIGHT" campaign PLUS MORE

LVMPD has a campaign that is titled "LIGHT THE NIGHT", The flyer states a well-lit home and neighborhood is better protected than a home or neighborhood without lighting.  Crime and darkness go hand in hand. 


 It is mostly for homeowners to protect themselves by placing more lighting on their private property.  Auto sensors that turn on the porch lights and surround landscape lights at dusk, motion sensor lights though out their front and back property to alert them someone is out there. It states on the flyer that darkness and crime goes hand in hand.  

Well in honor of Cassandra's memory to make something come from her senseless death that may save other lives:   We have decided to join LVMPD to campaign to "LIGHT THE NIGHT" not only in private properties but in our streets!  I honestly believe with all my heart that if the neighborhood and property where my innocent 24 year old daughter was arriving to work that night on April 17th 2015 was better lit, (no street lights there at all) she may still be with us now! PLEASE JOIN US IN HELPING OTHER FAMILIES NOT GO THROUGH THIS TRAGEDY!!!

Las Vegas is unique in the sense of how we have grown- I have lived her for nearly forty years and I remember how this "town" grew in spurts by people moving out and building custom homes in neighborhoods without any city sidewalks and utilities, like street lights.  These days those rural areas are some of the darkest neighborhoods in the center of the city! Crime is happening in those areas daily.   

Please campaign for our city / county to place street lights on every street where people live in this Greater Las Vegas.  Stand up for our Kids or families and all the innocent lives that don't need to be taken from their loved ones. 

Around our country cities are changing their street lights to LED lights that are brighter and more cost efficient for the city- We have a lot of streets with street lights but they are so dim, you can hardly tell so as we do a sweep to "LIGHT THE NIGHT"  please add to make the overplan to eventually replace all streetlights with LED lights. 

11-17-15 seven months without my sunshine

Seven months?

I can not believe it has been seven months , all my sense of time has vanished.  I'm afraid of days going by because I am afraid of my bad memory losing cherished memories of Cassandra's smile, laughter and voice saying " I love you Momma". 

I want to hold on dearly to each and every moment....the laying next to her as a baby when I'd see her stir so when she opened her eyes, I would be right beside her and she would smile.
Learning to talk and say Momma and Dadda....How she loved her Grandpa so very much and how he held her within the first fifteen minutes of her birth.  
Going to Bonnie Springs the first time just the two of us for  the afternoon and strolling through the petting zoo and having lunch in the cafe.  
Her excitement in becoming a big sister to Chelsea at the age of 2 and a half.....
Homeschooling her and her being so excited as she learned her phonics!!! 

So many wonderful beautiful moments I cherish through the years- I have always cherished them but always thought I would have many many more to come. 

I Praise God for each and every moment I have had with Cassandra while I was pregnant with her, being honored to see her grow from a tiny baby into a lovely young lady that valued all life and took the ideal of being non-judgmental and giving unconditional love even further than what I was able to teach her.  

I have so many questions, lost feelings , very deep sad feelings but I know that I will somehow ,with time ,work through this and feel less pain.   Truth is, I know also, that this is a tragedy my heart and soul will never ever be able to "get over."   

I pray daily that each moment we shared will stay in my memory forever so I can replay them though out my life!!!!
All I do, I do in memory of Cassandra Cassidy " My Sunshine"

Myth busting!

Myths of grief:   there are too many I have heard/ experienced over the last seven months to repeat. 

The one below has helped me to realize why my therapist has me researching all these myths so we can be Myth Busters!!!! 

According to Alan D Wolfelt, Ph.D. in his article "Helping dispel 5 common Myths about grief"

Myth #1) Grief and Mourning are the same experience

Most people tend to use the words grief and mourning interchangeably. However, there is an important distinction between them. We have learned that people move toward healing not by just grieving , but through mourning.

Simply stated, grief is the internal thoughts and feeling we experience when someone we love dies, Mourning , on the other hand is taking he internal experience of grief and expressing it outside ourselves.

In Reality , many people in our culture grieve, but they do not mourn, Instead of being encouraged to express their grief outwardly, they are often greeted with messages such as "carry on" , "keep your chin up" , and "keep busy" . So, thy end up grieving within themselves in isolation, instead of mourning outside of themselves in the presence of loving companions.- End of quote.


 In my field of work , I see too many people that have not processed feelings and in turn have stuffed resentments and had to turn to drugs and alcohol to hide from these feelings they never processed- It is important to heal, to process your feelings as you are going through them and heal properly so you can move forward with a healthy life and healthy relationships. 

I am doing everything possible to learn how to face and process feelings I don't want to even face but I know it must be done in a healthy manner for me and for Chelsea.  Cassandra was on board with us being the generation to break the chain of alcoholism and drug addiction , She would want more than anything for us to search for healthy ways to survive and carry on her love and memory. 

I Love Las Vegas Magazine...BLOG: Towbin Fiat Shows Great Community Spirit!

I Love Las Vegas Magazine...BLOG: Towbin Fiat Shows Great Community Spirit!: Towbin Automotive and Ally Bank came together on Wednesday to pay the remaining balance of the late Cassandra Cassidy’s beloved FIAT f...



Words can not express my gratitude!!!!